College

So stressed out about SPM and college when someone lifted the false conception I was fed about what results I needed to get into the school I wanted.

You'll never get it. Super long story and I'm not sure how many rules of confidentiality I'd be burning if I did decide to share it.

So bring on the lighter fluid. I can't talk about college without receiving unnecessary freak-outs which I find very, very stupid and annoying. For a 17 year-old to say, I suddenly feel like the older one here. It's such an important matter and all I hear in reply is, "You shouldn't talk about this now," as if I had raised the issue of an estranged alcoholic parent. In rehab. All alone.

I just think it's too important to ignore simply because of personal reasons.

I guess I'll be doing this myself, just like the last few dozen other times. You know, without the idiots around me thinking of themselves.

I need reliable, normal and boring right now. Not crazy selfish people who think about themselves. Oh wait, did I mention selfish? As in, people who only consider themselves? Like self-centred and have priorities way out of whack?

I just realised that maybe I talk like this because it looks like it's right out of a script. Speak more this way, and then maybe it would rewrite itself further down the script.

Or maybe TV-talk is more comforting than reality.

Now to flip through dozens of scholarships for one I actually qualify for. With my mediocre results I think that'd be only a grand total of two. Well actually it's not terrible, but considering how my future rides on my results, the appropriate response to them should be, "OhGodohGodohGod, I'm gonna die!" I think my only hope left is applying early with my forecast results.

Stupid History. I pour more hours into it compared to other subjects and my results still suck like this. Don't even mention Eng. Lit.! This is the worst... Sucks! What were my Trial results again? Barely one A+ from an expected three (English, Science, Econs). 70 even for Accounts which totally sucks because it should've been an 80, STUPID B+ FOR MALAY! It seems like all the papers I work hard for ended up sucky anyway. Although I'd have to concur with the advice my teacher gave me, it would be worse if I didn't work hard for it.

I can't remember all my results exactly, but I assume I had 1A+, 2A, 2A-, 1B, 3C. Did you know scholarships don't GAF about A minuses? Yeah. I've got my bright future all lined up for me.

At least I know what to do about it. I guess. I've established a great studying routine for History. Study one full day and burn out for the next two. Forget what I studied and then repeat. Wash lather repeat. (Who the hell washes their hair twice in a row?)

So... everyone witness me trying to get scholarships with 3As! When they ask me what my best academic achievement is, I could only say I didn't fail History.
- Fire ninja out.